My New House

We found it. It's beautiful. It's my hope. It's the future. It means it will be over. At some point all of this negativity will be in the past.

It has a large side yard. I saw one of my girls getting married there. I saw laughter. I saw a writing room.

Gratitude.

My kids are safe.

I am safe.

My husband is safe.

We have food.

We have a beautiful house.

I have amazing friends.

Whenever I am need of help God supports me, or sends someone to.

All my needs are met.

I am loved.

 

 

 

10:14

I have one bag of trash, or items that haven't been used for one year but can't be fixed.

I have one bag of clothes. Clothes that have either not been worn for one year, do not belong to me (and I don't see myself giving them back), with the exclusion of items that belonged to my mother (I'm not ready to go there yet.)

 

Visions

 

I am continuing to focus on my vision for the future. Today I am going to remove at least five trash bags of things that don't fit with my vision of my life, and my house. I went to my retreat, and it was good. It was quiet. I had this amazing vision of my mother there, while I was doing a guided meditation. It was wonderful to see her, and to get comfort from her. She supported me with her words, and let me know she believed that I was strong, and could make it through all this. She told me I was a storyteller. I felt so much love from her, but was desperately sad when the meditation was over. She told me she would come back, it would be all right.

I need to refocus. So…today I will be getting rid of things I haven't used in a year.

I'll check back in an hour and let you know how much I've accomplished.

Gratitude

I think I need to focus more on gratitude. Today has been a bit rough. The Bachelor provided a bit of relief, and television is finally getting back to normal after the writer's strike…but I still have been going back between crying and knowing that everything will be ok. So gratitude…

 

1. I have a wonderfully soft bed, that in a few minutes I will be sleeping in.
   
2. I have plenty of money in my account, and my bills have all been paid.
   
3. I am leaving for the retreat tomorrow, and I don't have to drive.
   
4. Criminal Minds was actually a new episode tonight.
   
5. I have acupuncture tomorrow.
   
6. I am meeting a new friend to talk about writing a book in a couple of weeks.
   
7. August only has to do physical therapy every other week. It's been a long journey, with all of his therapies and now it is coming to end.
   
8. My husband is a wonderful man, who bought me lots of magazines to do my collage with at the retreat.
   
9. I have the money for a lawyer, that is way better than needing a lawyer and having no way of getting one.
   
10. Henry is not in our home.
    
11. Our kids are safe.
    
12. I have new curtains, they are blue, my favorite color.
    
13. I talked to Melissa this morning, and we are driving together to the retreat. We are going to stop by the coach store, I will be looking but I think Melissa will be buying.
    

    
     

    
     

    It's hard to write this stuff right now. I'm going to work on it. I'll do it at the retreat. I'll take pictures of the labyrinth (#14). I'll be surrounded by my friends (#15). It's starting to get easier.
    

    
     

    
     

Time to let go…

And watch a bit of trashy TV. So here comes the Bachelor: London Calling. When you want trashy, look no further. I often pull my 14 year old daughter in to watch with me, to show her how not to behave when she is older.

This year seems to be more disturbing than usual, but I am in need of something completely pointless.

The woman's retreat starts tomorrow, and I am looking forward to it, but don't feel as connected as I usually do.

I want to focus on the positives. I will have a couple days away from everyone. I can sleep. I can just sit and do nothing. I could write. I will be on the beach, and walking a labyrinth. I am hoping for some rest and healing.