I've been reading this book. It's All Too Much, by Peter Walsh. So you've probably guessed that I have some issues with clutter. The book is pretty amazing so far. It talks about the underlying root of clutter, and it mostly has to do with fear. For me the fear is losing moments. My fear became greater after my mother passed away when I was 23. Letting go of her things was difficult, and the situation was made worse by my father quickly moving on, and selling our home within two years of her death. There was so much that she had been holding onto, and I wasn't quite ready to throw it all away. I made the mistake of taking into my own home the items my father was willing to part with and would have thrown away without a thought. When he was packing, getting ready to move out and into his new wife's home, he threw away my piano music. I had played on and off since I was seven. My mother had given me the piano when she died, but we didn't have room in our small townhouse. My father was going to hold it for a while. I was devastated that he threw away the music. I couldn't understand why he would have done that. That one event caused me to have a lot more clutter, as the loss was so deep that my fear grew with it.
It's taken me years to get over these things. Some I am not over. Other times I get caught up in throwing things away that could be useful to others, might need to be fixed (just a little), need new batteries, might be used later, etc… I get hung up on recycling. I get hung up on throwing things away in the dump, taking up space, when really someone else could probably use it. Some of these thoughts are valid, I know. I mean it's good to recycle. Giving things away and donating are wonderful. I think it's an odd form of perfectionism for me. Being the perfect person able to recycle every item I can, donated all things that work to appropriate places, clean all clothes before I give them away (sounds a little simple, but as you know if you been reading we are a household of 7—that's a lot of laundry, without even adding cleaning stuff to give it away), finding new batteries before I give things away, cleaning the dirty items that could be used before I give them away…you get the idea.
I have purged my house, and purged again, but I still have work to do. So I bought the book. I had seen him speak on Oprah before. He said something that was truly profound to me. He was talking about items that you have in your house that you aren't using. You are either holding on to something because it's about the past--or letting it go, or the future, being prepared. Either way, you are not in the present. I am sure I have heard something similar before, but it was the right timing for me. I thought about that, where these things really more important that what was happening to me right now. I purged. I got used to purging. Now I am ready to really get down to the bottom of it all though, and dig deeper.
I bought the audio of the book, put it on my mp3 player, and have been listening to it the past couple of days. I have a job to do. It's to come up with the vision of my life, and my house. Then I am supposed to go through each room, and do the same thing.
I am going to start with the vision for my life. This will probably mostly contain just words, a collection of ideas, in no particular order. In other words, I'm going to brainstorm. So let's get on with it.
The word that is most often used to describe me is bohemian. That's my first word as well. Let's look up the definition.
Bo·he·mi·an
/boʊˈhimiən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[boh-hee-mee-uhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
1. | a native or inhabitant of Bohemia. |
2. | (usually lowercase) a person, as an artist or writer, who lives and acts free of regard for conventional rules and practices. |
3. | the Czech language, esp. as spoken in Bohemia. |
4. | a Gypsy. |
–adjective
5. | of or pertaining to Bohemia, its people, or their language. |
6. | (usually lowercase) pertaining to or characteristic of the unconventional life of a bohemian. |
7. | living a wandering or vagabond life, as a Gypsy. |
[Origin: 1570–80; Bohemi(a) + -an]
You know I'm feeling a bit silly, and uneducated. I didn't realize that Bohemia was actually a place. Which is bringing me to another definition… I mean it makes sense that it's a place, I mean the word would have to come from somewhere…. Well don't you just learn something new every day… Bohemia, courtesy of Wikipedia. Here is Bohemianism. I'm getting a little caught up in this. I love looking sh*t up though. I've a bit of nut like that. I could go on there are several other links I went on to read, but I am really digressing.
Another word… Spiritual. Peace. Colorful. I want order, but not rigidity. I guess I am talking about my home though, and not my vision for my life. Things for my life. I want to write, play with the kids, maybe have another baby. I want a lot of peace and balance. I want an amazing relationship with my husband, I already have one, but if it could get even better that would be wonderful. I want more for myself in terms of a life separate from children. I would like to be bringing in my own money, through writing would be awesome.
I will continue this tomorrow. I have actually gotten sleepy, which I didn't think would happen for sometime. I took a nap this afternoon, which ended up being much longer than I had been planning, but I am going off on a different tangent as well.
Good night, sweet dreams.
